After a 15-minute “you can still trust us” intro, unconstrained inspired-by-your-dreams cliches and adequate specs to benumb a many caffeinated tech blogger, Samsung indeed unveiled dual damn good phones, a Galaxy S8 and S8+. We wouldn’t be so vicious as to put we by a hour-plus ordeal, though, dear reader. We’ve precipitated a whole thing down to 9 minutes, so we can locate all a highlights — Bixby! Infinite displays! Super selfies! Flame-free! — and nothing of a tedium. Enjoy.